As you may have heard, our nation’s dear leader and his minions decided to wage yet another totally necessary war — this time, on Calibri, the sans serif font that is apparently woke AF. How is Calibri a radical example of DEI and why is it, in the words of Marco Rubio, achieving “nothing except the degradation of the department’s official correspondence”?
That’s a good question. We can’t peer directly into the mind of such a vile toady to the administration, but we can guess. Here’s our list of popular fonts and what they might imply to the deranged MAGA crowd when you use them.
Calibri
Calibri has been described as “soft and modern,” which means that it ENEMY #1 to performative alpha males. Is there anything worse than writing out a typo-ridden manifesto, only to discover that the font you used implies softness? No. Nothing worse in all the world.
Garamond
The MAGA crowd may hate on a sans serif font, but we don’t think they’d be big fans of Garamond, either. First of all, Garamond is often considered one of the most legible serif fonts, and we know how Trump’s cronies feel about literacy (not into it). Secondly, it was developed by a Frenchman named Claude Garamond, and this administration fears the precedent that the French had set with protesting and revolting against corrupt government.
Gotham
This was the typeface used by the Obama campaign. Simple yet bold, and obviously extra woke. Enough said.
Comic Sans
A font that has been much maligned for decades, Comic Sans is usually associated with early Internet tackiness and a lack of design awareness. We’d like to defend it as a unique and whimsical choice that embraces unseriousness. We also think it’d drive Rubio and his acolytes up a wall because those losers know nothing about whimsy and joy.
OpenDyslexic
This is a new font, and we know if it’s not from the 1800’s the MAGA cult doesn’t like it. Also, this font is designed to help people with dyslexia have an easier time reading. What’s that? Helping someone with a disability be able to do normal things? *Watches the administration cry in DEI* If you haven’t tried this font out and you read on a screen you should! It’s soooo nice and we think it helps with eye strain too.
Wingdings
Do we understand what Wingdings is supposed to be used for? Not really. Do we think that MAGA will crash out if presented with any document in this typeface because they’ll assume it’s some kind of nefarious foreign glyph? Yes.
We’d love to hear more about your favorite typefaces and the people they piss off.
🕈︎♏︎🕯︎●︎●︎ ⬧︎♏︎♏︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ■︎♏︎⌧︎⧫︎ ⧫︎♓︎❍︎♏︎✏︎ (Translated from Wingdings: “We’ll see you next time!”)
