Clean freaks get a bad rap. Deep mistrust if not outright loathing is offered to those who must bring order to chaos. There’s no faster way to hint at someone’s psychosis than to make them fastidious: Patrick Bateman, Dexter Morgan, and the husband in Sleeping with the Enemy were feared less for their murderous rages and more for their organizational skills.
Few women are as universally despised and mocked for their standards, as “perfectionistic” icons across the spectrum like Martha Stewart, Marie Kondo and Joan Crawford.
I remember the killing rage poor Marie unleashed by suggesting we fold our underwear. And to be fair to Joan, what kind of a sociopath WANTS to use wire hangers?
But cleaning is praying. All holy orders have some component of them that is about cleaning or restoring order and resetting the tableau for the next day. Why aren’t we worshipped like Egyptian cats?
Let me lure you to this side of the street with one of the greatest delights of being a clinically-diagnosed Neatnik. I can achieve euphoric enlightenment by simply viewing a Cleaning Montage. I have assembled some of my favorite OCD-inspo media for you.
Cinderella: the OG cleaner, she got the household pests and rodents in on the act. Sure, Disney’s movie had a decent montage, but this low-rent 1970s record captures the absolute mania of a truly great one. “Work work work. I try not to complain. Washing, mending, stretching, bending, every day’s the same.” I hear you girl.
Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead: in this cult classic, Christina Applegate and her hapless siblings make their family home fit for a fashion show complete with ice sculptures, a runway and hors d’oeuvres. This remake of Dragging the Line works perfectly for indoor and outdoor chores.
This movie has not one but two success montages. Watch as a 19-year old “kid” saves the bacon of a manufacturer of uniforms, cementing the can-do vibe of this flick with the iconic movie quote: “I’m right on it, Rose!”
For the love of all that’s holy, stay away from the remake. In the original, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell bring real chemistry to the screen, and you see her turn a hovel into cottage-core cuteness while Jim Dandy thumps in the background.
Don’t think too deeply about the multiple felonies involved when you abduct and trick an amnesiac woman into raising your three motherless children. We aren’t here for that today.
Mary Poppins: probably my first exposure to the power of a cleaning montage set to a snappy number. And not the last time I wished for magical folding powers.
Turns out the spoonful of sugar that makes my backbreaking labor go down in the most delightful way, is a procedural true crime podcast about investigations into unsolved homicides.
Revenge of the Nerds: painting, cleaning and making the frat house livable while a Bowie-wannabee-one-hit wonder sings “Put One Foot in Front of the Other” is a real vibe.
Don’t think too deeply about the multiple felonies involved when you slip something into a woman’s drink and drive her over state lines. The 80s were highly problematic.
What cleaning montages have you run across, bookmarked, watched a thousand times, and lived inside? Please share. My stash is getting stale.
You don’t need rules this strict but you if you are feeling like you might need a reset you aren’t alone.
When the world feels loud, tending to your space can feel like reclaiming something small and yours.
That’s the spirit behind our Domestic Alchemy collection…rituals for care, not control.
