In the bustling cobblestone heart of Spinsters Row stands a little boutique with gilded signage reading Tuck and Bow Emporium.
Inside, amid shelves of monogrammed cravats and artisanal marrow bones, work two very particular pups—Tuck, a dignified schnauzer mix with remarkable eyebrows, and Bow, a platinum dandelion of a dog with gently flaring sideburns. But this is no ordinary dog salon.
Each morning, Tuck puffs talc into the air and turns to his companion, saying, “Bow, dear chap, could you pass me the Badger Bristle Number 4 brush? My mutton chops demand respectable angles today.”
Bow, in turn, will eye his fine reflection critically and adjust his eyebrow curlers. “Tuck, if my brows aren’t arched like the aqueducts of Ancient Rome, cancel my appointments. I won’t face the public like some casually groomed terrier.”
Their clientele—poodles, mastiffs, and the occasional rogue raccoon—travel from miles around to experience the magic. There are whisperings that Tuck had once styled a wire-haired dachshund’s beard so majestically that the canine was knighted and granted not one, but two castles.
Now, unlike the humans of East Coast cities in the late 1890s—where facial hair grew to reassert fragile masculinity in the face of rising female empowerment—Tuck and Bow’s beards aren’t about dominance or repression. That’s because on Spinsters Row, facial hair is about art, flair, and the freedom to express one’s inner musketeer, sea captain, or Edwardian librarian.
“Let the tedious and unimaginative bicker about gender,” Bow has been known to say, unfurling his moustache to dramatic effect. “We, dear Tuck, create eyebrow symphonies.”
And Tuck, ever loyal, always nods solemnly. “And sideburn sonatas, old friend.”
Their motto, stitched into every doggy cravat sold, reads: “For every snout, a masterpiece.”
And so, between eyebrow waxings and beard symposia, Tuck and Bow carry on—unbothered by outdated human politics, inspired solely by beauty, and entirely unconcerned with anything that doesn’t involve personal expression.
This sweater is the perfect foil for a well-coifed canine, and the turtleneck compliments a furry ruff.
Let’s not forget that distinguished felines also care about their appearance. This paw, skin, and coat care bundle makes the perfect gift for the discerning kitty in your life.
While human beards and hair can’t hold a candle to their animal counterparts, there’s no reason not to take care of what they do possess. Hair and hide both can be nourished, smoothed and softened with this collection of natural products.
And if you really can’t get your grooming under control there’s always a hat.
